Papang
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a father. I know a version of what I think it’s like to work hard, or what a father entails, but to really know what it is truly like…I really have no idea. I wonder how it’s like to behold your first newborn child in your hands; to see your own flesh and blood that God has made through you. I wonder how it’s like to have that joy and happiness to see your child walk for the first time, and say their first word. I wonder how it’s like to have to work hard in order to take care of little human beings for pretty much the entirety of your life and see them grow in a blink of an eye. They grow in a blink because of the responsibilities a father has in order to provide for his family and ensure their comfort, security and survival…but in the expense of not having much time spent with them as they grow up.
Life and its ironies can sometimes be unfair.
I wonder what it’s like to sacrifice so much, and to have children who wouldn’t really understand why you’re away for the most of the day and not know how life works until when they’re older and wiser. I wonder how it is like to feel such immense sense of pride when you see your children grow up and be successful in life; to see the fruits of your labour come to full fruition. I wonder how indescribable joy it is to walk his daughter up the aisle on her wedding day or his son finally becoming a father himself with a grandchild he can call his own.
I am at a point in my life wherein I do not know how it is to be a dad. Maybe if God wills it, I will become one someday.
Times are changing, but the wonderment that I am mulling over is something that my dad went through. We men normally don’t talk much about our feelings. We tend to show it more with our actions than speaking our minds. But, unlike with my mom whom I have a lot of reminiscing conversations of how it is like to be a mom, I’ve also had conversations with my dad here and there about how it is like to be a dad. And through those conversations, I thank God that I have the perfect role model with my father.
So for this year’s “new normal” Father’s Day, I would like to give a simple tribute to my father, Jose C. Datiles IV. The bestest father after God.
Fatherhood for Jose — Joe — started even before I was born. Life in the Philippines is never cut out for anyone. Many Filipinos struggle to find a means of living and is one of the most poverty-stricken countries in the world. Even if you graduated top of your class, that is no guarantee that you will land yourself a job after school. So for many, the only way is to leave the country and head overseas to make ends meet. My dad hails from a provincial rural town in the island of Visayas. Life in the province is very tough, and he and his siblings were orphaned at a very young age. My grandparents took him in when he was just a little kid, but taught him everything he needed to know how to survive in a harsh world. Unlike my childhood, my dad tells me many of his childhood stories, and a lot of them are tough living. Nothing is handed to you, and you have to learn how to adapt and to work hard. Nonetheless, he was blessed with a tough but loving adoptive parents; his dad being a doctor, and his mom being a dentist. Despite the hardship of life, he had family to keep things going, and his family is huge in number. I have nephews who are older than me, and uncles that are ten years younger than me! I do believe that through his vast amounts of family, his familial sense is strengthened through their bonds together.
My dad left the province for the bustling city of Metro Manila at a young age in order to pursue college. Even then, he had to find ways to survive in order to pay for his education. His tenacity and determination carried him through college and eventually met my mom as a classmate. After several years of on-and-off dating, my dad already had his priorities straight.
Before marrying my mom, my dad left the Philippines to start preparing and saving up for his future family by finding work thousands of miles away in the hot desert kingdom of Saudi Arabia. This meant leaving behind my mom for for long periods of time while they were dating. It meant years. Those were tough times, as sometimes his pay would not come in time due to harsh treatments of expatriate workers by some employers there. Somehow by God’s grace, he would still be able to send money back to my mom, and both of them persevered and depended on God to keep their relationship together while being apart. Eventually, my dad returned to my mom briefly so that they can get married, but he had to return back to Saudi Arabia soon after.
Soon after I was born, tensions in the Middle East was mounting, as the dawn of the Gulf War started to brew. The uncertainties were worrisome for both of my parents, who were thousands of miles apart. However, my mom mustered up the courage to to go to Saudi Arabia with the money that my dad was sending her, and was eventually able to be together. During the conflict, Saudi Arabia was part of Saddam’s attacks, as Kuwait’s emir has been exiled there and was under the protection of the Kingdom as well as the Coalition forces led by the United States. The coalition was also headquartered in the capital of Riyadh, where my family lived. Because of this, their lives were under constant danger, and each and everyday is a prayer to God for protection, as shrapnel from the Iraqi SCUD and American Patriot missiles would fall and still cause damage all over the city, with some cases bearing casualties.
One story told by my mom stuck out to me during those times. One day, my formula had ran out, so my dad decided to go out and try to buy some. Many establishments were closed due to the war, but eventually he was able to find one store that was open. On his way back, the air raid warning sirens started blaring all across the city. He floored the car to rush home, as he felt the tremors of the falling shrapnel like an earthquake. I don’t know how I would feel if I was in that situation, but it just goes to show how my father loves me so much, that he would put even his life on the line just to take care of me and my mother.
One of the many sacrifices my dad had to give is not having much time spent with me and my brother growing up. He had to work long hours in order to provide for us. For that, I am forever grateful, because that sacrifice is why me and my brother are now blessed to be where we are today. It has also taught us the value of hard work and perseverance. Despite it all, I still will remember the small simple things that my dad has done for us.
Growing up, my family did not have much, but we were very blessed nonetheless. In their early years of living as a young family in Riyadh, my parents did not have much to be able to buy furnishings for their small apartment. So my dad put his resourcefulness to good use. He would find materials and build the things they needed himself. From tables to chairs and anything else in between, my dad was able to create amazing things out from scratch. He is a real craftsman, something that I want to follow my footsteps by until this day. He even built a small toy truck for me and my brother called “Tarak-tarak”, a toy that he has recreated from his childhood wherein he used found materials that he has scrounged for — such as wood and rubber — to create a toy he can play with back then, since they cannot afford toys back then. The simple things were something that he treasured.
My dad is a real funny guy. I remember my dad would always tell funny stories using the hyena characters from the Lion King, which my mom hated. It made me laugh a lot. I have to say, I have inherited his funny bone 100%. I remember my dad getting me an encyclopedia for my birthday one time. It is due to that book that I have grown to be a bookworm during my childhood to teenage years. I loved learning about everything, and due to that encyclopedia I’ve developed my fascination for space. I remember always just reading about the solar system and the planets, and how I’ve developed an imaginative and creative mind…all because of that encyclopedia and the subsequent books that he bought me. I love going to museums now as I am older, because of the knowledge imparted to me by the books that my dad has bought me when I was growing up.
I remember the days when my dad would take us to his office. It was real awesome being able to see the things that he works on. He is an architect, so being able to see the blueprints and models that he has created and worked on was so amazing to see. To even see some of the actual buildings that he has designed was so awesome, and I was proud to have him as my dad. He was real good at what he did, that his boss got him to tutor his son for university.
If there is one thing that I’ve learned from my dad, it’s that you are not defined by how much money or material you have in this life, but what you make of life. My dad has taught me the meaning of being contented with what you have, and to be grateful for the constant blessings God always has for us. Although money was tight, my dad would find ways to treat our family to good food. If it was not going out, he would cook for us. Me and my brother follow in his footsteps when it came to the culinary arts. Our happiness was within God’s gift of our togetherness as a family, and that is because of my dad — alongside my mom — instilling the value of family within each and every one of us.
When there is enough money saved, we would take a vacation to the Philippines. There we would visit his hometown, and it was really awesome to be able to get a glimpse of the life on his side of things and the people and places that he grew up with. My dad’s adoptive parents — my grandparents — were real nice. They loved me and my brother so much, that they would give us money, and would cook for us. My favourite was my Lolo’s beefsteak. He would make it for us every time we were visiting. With that, I can see where my dad got his cooking chops from. My dad lived in a fishing village, so a lot of the cuisine was seafood. Growing up, I did not like seafood, and only until during my mid-teen years did I ease up on seafood. My dad loved seafood, and for one our visits back to his hometown of Capiz, we went to a resort wherein you can catch your own fish, and they will cook it for you. It was one of the best memories I had, because it was my first time fishing.
Our dad saved up a lot in order to give us those vacations. Our first vacation outside of the Philippines was in Hong Kong, and that was something that I will never forget. Being able to experience a new country apart from the ones I knew opened my eyes to what the world has to offer, all thanks to my dad and mom.
When we are not over in the Philippines for vacation, my dad would take us out every weekend to various places. When we lived in Jeddah, we would go to Jeddah Corniche, a waterfront by the Red Sea. It is an awesome spot for family, as we walked and biked along the beach and would admire amazing works of sculptural art.
After that, we would make our way to Al-Baik, the best fried chicken ever (their garlic sauce is literally the best). It was every Friday that we would make our way there. When we lived in Riyadh, it was McCoy’s, the best fried chicken ever. (Yes. I said it twice.)It’s a no-brainer why I am the chubby kid that I was back then (and still is.) If it was not fried chicken, it was either a shawarma or McDonald’s night.
To see us do well with our schooling was something that my dad was really all about, and it also has translated in our adult years with our careers. He didn’t ask for much, except that we do out best in school, and to graduate is his dream for me and my brother. So being able to go through the years of education and graduating with flying colours was my dad’s dream come true. As someone coming from a place where education is a rarity for many, being able to achieve this dream of his is something that I am thankful to God that I was able to give him.
My dad is also a faithful servant of Christ. During our time in Saudi Arabia, observing a Christian life was fairly dangerous. But despite the risks, my dad pastored an underground church and exemplified what it is to be a fisher of men as Jesus told Peter. He and my mom lead many people to Jesus, and these people have become family throughout the years, and my dad was used by God to enrich, strengthen and encourage many with their walk with the Lord. His faith inspires me to hopefully lead a life such as Christ just like he and my mom do until this day.
Here’s a few more steps down memory lane:
One of the biggest decisions that my dad made for the sake of our family was to move to Canada. It was for the benefit of me and my brother, as there was hardly a future in Saudi Arabia or the Philippines for us. But that was not without more sacrifices. That meant him having to leave a stable job and to basically start from scratch career-wise when coming to Canada. It also meant leaving many of our friends and family behind for a strange new country. His work experiences did not count when it came to finding work here in Canada as an immigrant. That meant he had to find Canadian work experience, and that means having to start from the bottom. He had to work in a bakery before finding a suitable job that meets his career. But his humility, patience and perseverance brought him through the hardships, and is rewarded by God to this day.
“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.”
— Proverbs 23:24
This father’s day marks the 30th anniversary of my dad being a dad, and with that, I thank the Lord Jesus Christ for his wonderful soul, and for blessing us with such an amazing father. He may have been tough, but it was tough love that has set us towards a straight path. Looking back, I am forever grateful for his discipline and wisdom, and that perhaps one day…I will become an amazing dad to my children as well. God willing.
Thank you very much Pops for all of your sacrifice, love and dedication. May the Lord continue to bless you with more blessings to come!
Bonus: here’s my Dad with our beloved encourager Barnabas a.k.a. Barnie!
